Is this a fantasy$%: Or is it possibly true that you can change the volume of noise at home$%:
Can you really transform your home to an environment where everyone speaks at a normal tone, and no one is yelling or screaming at each other$%: How about a world free of kids constantly interrupting adult conversations...getting louder and louder as they push for attention$%:
You can! And it's relatively simple! (I didn't say easy...I said simple!)
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There are seven steps that you can take to transform the volume and the amount of yelling and screaming that goes on in your home. Follow this formula for 30 days. Do so with impeccable consistency, and you will be amazed at the results.
The Quiet Home Plan
1. Have a talk with your kids: "A change is coming."
One pattern:
You begin this by sitting down with your kids and letting them know that a change is going to occur in the home. You explain to them that you do not find the family environment to be a peaceful and enjoyable one because things are so loud and everyone screams at one another.
You can also point out how there may be a tendency to have several people talking at once, and that this is disrespectful and creates a chaotic environment. Remind them that their teachers do no run the classroom in this way.
2. "Sweetheart, use your legs, not your voice to get attention."
Explain to your kids that you have fallen into a bad habit. You have often used your voice to scream across the house to get your kids attention.
As a result, they have learned to use their voice to scream across the house to get your attention, or the attention of their siblings.
Let them know that you are going to change this by making the following commitments.
3. "When I want your attention, I will come to you. I will not scream for you anymore."
In other words, if someone is in the next room, and you can get their attention by simply calling their name at a normal volume, you will do so. However, if you have to yell to communicate to them, it's time to walk.
Key Concept: Use your legs...not your voice...to carry your message across your home. Be a model for what you want from your children.
4. "I will not respond to yelling and screaming, unless it has to do with true emergencies."
"In other words, don't yell at us to get our attention. If you need our attention, come and get us and speak in a normal tone of voice."
"If you decide to yell at us, we will not respond to this. The more you yell, the more we will not respond. We will ignore yelling. We will ignore whining. We will ignore screaming. We will ignore demanding voices. If you come get us, and speak in a normal volume, then we will respond."
5. "If you interrupt us while we're talking, we will not respond. Wait for a pause in the conversation...unless it's an emergency."
Often parents make the mistake of repeatedly asking children to wait, so that parents can continue to carry on a conversation with another adult. If you engage in this strategy, you find that kids just keep interrupting your more and more. They may do so saying, "EXCUSE ME MOM!"
But try listening to this a dozen times during a meal. It can become unbearable! Let your kids know that you will no longer respond to such interruptions, unless there is blood, water, or fire. Tell them this today...and then expect that they will learn NOT from you repeating this message...but from your unwillingness to respond to their repeated efforts to get your attention.
6. "I will be a model for a quieter, calmer, and more respectful member of our family."
Explain to the kids that you have committed yourself to more respectful and calmer communications. This means that you will not raise your voice and yell at them. You will find other solutions and strategies for dealing with situations. (Note: This may require that you enhance your parenting skills, in order to feel that you have effective tools to deal with difficult situations. Be willing to do this work...if necessary!)
You must be able to model what you want from your kids. You simply cannot model reactive emotions and expect your kids to keep their calm in the face of frustration! Speak calmly, softly and with respect. When you are listening, really listen. Give them all of your attention. Your kids will get more from what you model than from any threat or consequence you can offer.
7. Be vigilant for quiet, calm voices.
The goal here is to create a home where you invest your energy in normal conversations that are initiated with respect and consideration.
From this point forward, be vigilant to give your energy and attention to the kids when conversations and questions are offered in a calm, normal volume. Keep your energy devoted to these healthy conversations, and remember to walk away and do not respond to loud, demanding, interrupting behavior.
Follow these seven simple guidelines, and you will have a quieter home in 30 days. For more information about the magic of Terrific Parenting, visit my website at